“…a friend of mine took this in a seattle bar before the match.”

Related posts:

1. 200 Angry Sounders Fans Can’t Be Wrong… Or Can They?
2. Jacob Joseph Reeder: Cialis Abuser, Sounders Fan
3. Portland Timbers Using Child Labor on Coaching Staff

05. Portland Retro Gaming Expo – Games, games and more games! That was what the PRGE was all about. My Nerd Report co-host Emily and I spent 6 hours broadcasting live from this event and had a blast. We talked to lots of kids and adults that were hard core gamers, most of them spending the entire day collecting games, talking with vendors, playing games (duh) and just having fun. Some of the highlights included talking to a kid (he’ll tell you he’s not a kid though, he was 15), that did impressions of video game characters, chatting it up with the event organizers (who did a fantastic job btw), talking with the costume contest winner, Mr. Mario, and of course, getting sucked into a cool gaming obsession.

04. Food Cart Experiences – One of the best overall experiences I’ve had this year. I was really skeptical to try any of them at first but once I dove in, it’s been hard to stop! I’ve had a couple of bum meals, sure, but nothing beats a Parkers Waffle, or a burger or taco salad from Chopollos, or a pulled pork sandwich from the Q cart, or the teriyaki from Dosirak’s. I just wish there were more carts in my area and that I had time to go further everyday and try something new. I still have never made it to Whiffies, (I know, I know, bad Sabrina) but Potato Champion….. I’ve only had it once and it’s probably the one food cart that I crave the most. I love that Portland has its food cart scene and can’t wait for new ones to pop up throughout the year!

03. Baconfest – It’s amazing to me how an idea from out of the blue can be organized, hyped, and put together as quickly as Baconfest was. About 2,000 people showed up, gave to the Oregon Food Bank, and had a wicked good time. It was all about having fun and eating the almighty bacon in all of its forms, but the warm fuzzies I was feeling wasn’t from the bacon infused beer, it was from the simplicity of seeing Portlanders like you, dropping a few cans of food in the barrel to help out a great cause. I heart Baconfest and I can’t wait for the next one.

02. Oregon Ballet Theatre and Dance United – Call me a goob, but ballet is in my heart and in my soul. It’s been a part of my life in some way shape or form since I was 3 years old. I danced throughout high school and probably could have (should have?) majored in it in college. I’ve worked with the Oregon Ballet Theatre a couple of times in the past for some shows because when you can’t dance, you tech! When I heard the news that OBT was having financial problems and the result of that could have been no more ballet in Portland, my heart sank. It made me really sad to think that we might not have this really great art in our community anymore and I wanted to do something about it. Thus, OBT Radio was born. I had the opportunity to talk to some amazing dancers, educators, behind-the-scenes artists and to the artistic director about their goals and what makes OBT so special. I ended up buying a ticket to Dance United and was completely blown away by all of the dancing that took place at the Keller that night. Members from ballet companies from around the country gathered to support our local ballet as did our local community. As an outsider looking in I was overwhelmed by the support that was shown. I can’t imagine how company members of OBT felt. As it turns out, ballet will live in our city again and for that, I’m certainly thankful.

AND FINALLY, THE #1 FUN THING I DID IN 2009…….

01. Attending Portland Timbers Games – Make sure you read #7….then read this: I’ll be honest, I knew dick about soccer before about 12 months ago. I knew that we had a soccer team here in Portland, but didn’t know anything about them or who the Timbers Army were. That all changed once I attended the rally last March. I started digging into who the Portland Timbers were, what made them great and made the decision right there standing in that room that I MUST attend some matches for the season. In total I went to 5 of them. I know, I know, it’s not a lot, but it’s something right? My first match consisted of learning the game, asking questions and observing from seats midfield.

My second and third matches were much the same, but this time, it was in General Admission. Listener-turned-great friend Steven Lenhart invited Robert and me to a game where we promptly stood in the first few rows of GA. I don’t think I’ve ever in my whole life felt such energy, such power in numbers…and quite frankly such balls as I did during that game. I could barely pay attention to the actual match itself, I was in awe of the people that make up the Timbers Army. There is something to be said about hearing and feeling that raw emotion from these fans during a match – a feeling I’ve never experienced in many years attending pro sports games. Needless to say, within about 10 seconds, I was hooked. I was there for the stinky Seattle match and even though it was from mid-field seats again, I couldn’t even hear the Seattle Fans….just the TA. I spent my birthday evening with the Timbers and members of the TA too, for one of the most memorable birthdays I’m sure I will ever have.

I know that so many of the fans travel from places like Salem and the outskirts of the city to make Timbers matches. Some even travel out of state in support of them and some have never missed a game. Fans and Timbers Army are there match after match, spending their hard earned money on gas, tickets, beer & food, with a single goal in mind…to show their support and their love for their Portland Timbers. The Timbers kicked some serious ass this year and made it to the playoffs and it was great to see even more fanfare rise up from our awesome city. So thank you Portland Timbers, and thank you to the members of the Timbers Army and the fans that have made this past year one of the most memorable for me. I had quite a year in 2009 but nothing compared to the raw energy, passion, and emotion that I experienced hanging out with the Timbers Army.

RCTID!

Related posts:

1. Sabrina Miller’s “10 Fun Things I Did In 2009″ List: Part 1 of 2
2. Jacob Joseph Reeder: Cialis Abuser, Sounders Fan
3. 200 Angry Sounders Fans Can’t Be Wrong… Or Can They?

Part 1 of 2

10. Scream at the Beach – I’ve lived in Portland for a little over 4 years now and always have wanted to do the Haunted House thing. I hadn’t been to a haunted house in about 15 years and didn’t know where to start! The thought of a 30 something going through a haunted house…well, I wasn’t sure what to think. I had the opportunity to interview a couple of the masterminds behind Scream at the Beach and knew this one was the right one for me to visit. I had a great time, screamed my ass off, and was in awe of how much time and energy goes into something as big as a haunted house…especially one that took over the Circuit City building in Janzten Beach no less! Although I didn’t feel like I was 16 again, I was surrounded by them and at that moment, I was ok with it.

09. The Big Busk – One of the cooler, more ‘organic’ things I seen in a while was the coming together of The Big Busk which was held downtown in July and put together by Richard Mavis. We had so much fun walking around in the summer heat and discovering new and very different bands that traveled from street block to street block playing music they love to play. We talked to a harpist who plays all over Portland and at the Saturday Market, the guys from The Goodwill River, and many more. The Big Busk introduced us to Target for Tomorrow and I learned a new word: ska.

08. Wicked at the Keller Auditorium – “No one mourns the Wicked” – Man oh man…one of the highlights of my year. I had the privilege of being on a kick ass wardrobe crew for the 5 weeks Wicked was at the Keller in April. 8 shows a week, a total of 39 shows and it was tough but also one of the most fun times I have ever had working on a national touring Broadway production. I’ve never been involved in a production that ran like clockwork and was so organized, you have no idea. Working the show made me fall in love with this musical, and even after the 5 weeks, I didn’t tire of it. Hell, I got to dress some flying monkeys, dress ladies in really expensive and really heavy ball gowns, and met some of the most humbling and energetic performers that do what they do 8 times a week. Just because they love it.

07. MLS Rally – This will tie into the 2 of 2 part a little later, but it was this particular event that paved the way for a newfound love of mine. Back in March of 2009, I filed into a room at a hotel downtown filled with people wearing green, white and yellow. I had no idea what to expect other than the (hopeful) announcement of the Portland Timbers becoming an MLS team. What I got instead was a room filled with so much energy, so many smiling faces, young and old and the announcement of the year in many people’s minds. Along with Mayor Sam Adams and City Commissioner, Randy Leonard, the teams owner, Merritt Paulson paved the way for a new hope for our Portland Soccer team. After the rally was over, I snuck in to talk to the Mayor and to Randy Leonard. Needless to say they were a little taken aback when I told them that I was from Portland Sucks. Once I expressed my thanks and the awesome job they both had done at getting MLS to Portland, well, they opened up a bit more and let me continue talking for a few minutes. Their efforts will be worth it in the Rose City!

06. 7th Planet Picture Show – This is a relatively new event for me even though it’s been going on for a while. Over the past month or so, I’ve been going to this thing at the Mt. Tabor Theater called the 7th Planet Picture Show. In its most basic form, it’s like an MST3K style brand of watching a really terrible movie. The host Will Radik along with two other co-hosts sit and make fun of a really terrible movie all the while encouraging other to participate in throwing out zingers (or in some cases paper airplanes at the screen). It’s always free, there’s a bar and some awesome people that come too. I’ve been to a few that Robert co-hosted and then was asked to co-host with one Dr. Normal of Strange Love Live. Our Mark Hamill double feature was grueling. Drinks were spilled, light sabers were wielded, and pizza was eaten. It’s a great time and you should go if you haven’t been already.

Part 2 of 2 will follow soon………

Related posts:

1. Sabrina Miller’s “10 Fun Things I Did In 2009″ List: Part 2 of 2
2. “Wicked” Hits Portland Again – And Demonstrates Just How Stupid Some People Are.
3. Portland Sucks and The Big Busk – It Should Have Been Easy, Right?

Why the big deal?

Well, for starters I’m still a (regretful) smoker and though it happens from time to time, you don’t see a lot of smokers running marathons. If you held a smoking marathon I could probably give the bingo parlor hotties a run for their money but I haven’t seen a real smokers marathon since the last time I was in Montana, plus that’s not exactly healthy.

Secondly, I spent nearly an entire decade destroying everything inside my body. If you could smoke it, drink it, snort it, or inject it – hell, if you set it down in front of me I would do it, it didn’t matter what it was. I took a perfectly healthy post-high school athlete and turned him into the lovechild of Ozzy Osbourne and Keith Richards (sans blood transfusion) – while those days are behind me now, I do still drink a bit here and there (baconfest) and I still pride myself in being able to party with the best of them.

Why the marathon?

I feel left out. I’ve watched the runners run on by every year for the past four years and thought to myself “what a waste of a Sunday morning”, but this year something in my head clicked as I turned around and sat back down to watch the NFL morning highlights. It’s not the people running the marathon that are wasting their Sunday morning, I am. What’s worse is that every single one of those bastards is going to outlive me by a decade or more so while I’m sitting on my ass making fun of their cock-floppin’ 70′s running shorts, my arteries are clogging yet another micrometer with bacon grease and waffle fat. Fuck that, I say.

So here I am, vowing to do something that I haven’t been physically built for in over a decade. I used to run all the time and I could probably still do a mile or two but I want to go all twenty six grueling, ball busting, cock-flopping miles. I don’t care if I win, I just care that I finish. Along the way I get to quit smoking, cut way back on less-than-healthy foods (Parkers Waffles assures me that their food is quite healthy), and I get to do it because I want to … not because of a bullshit New Years Resolution and not because my doctor told me to.

Fuck it. I’m going to run in the 2010 Portland Marathon.

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Big deal. So you have a hard-on for unsportsmanlike conduct or fancy overpaid and overrated football teams from thousands of miles away. Meanwhile something extraordinary is happening in your own backyard Portland, and barely a word about it makes the headlines from any one of your obnoxious bald sports journalists because they’re too busy fretting over one douchehead smacking another douchehead in the face at an after school game. How cute.

Yeah, that’s right – I’m talking about the Mutherfucking Portland Timbers. Yes, the Timbers – the only real game in town worth a shit right now. The Timbers – the team that’s one game away from clinching the First Division title with a win against Austin tomorrow night – a home game no less. The team who, in less than two years, will be joining the MLS and are already proving to their fans that they are the real damn deal and have a following so rabid that I get a fucking boner every time I hear a Timbers Army chant.

Yes, The Goddamn Glorious Portland Timbers – a local sports team that doesn’t get shit for press around here and haven’t been a trending topic on the Twitter because they actually go out and play to win instead of acting like cockheads. Yes, a real sports team that wins games. Do I see anyone singing their praises from The Oregonian? Sure. Shawn Levy, The Oregonian movie critic. That’s right, our city is so ass backward fucked up when it comes to sports that I’m more interested in what the newspapers movie critic thinks about sports than the NBA skirt chasing twit that writes the rest of the crap sports column.

The Fucking Timbers. Because when you’re that fucking good I really don’t care if the rest of the city gives a shit or not – anyone who matters will either be on the pitch or yellin’ their asses off for you, you fantastic fucking bastards.

Oh look, in the amount of time it took me to type this the Steelers have bested the Titans with a field goal. And all you football lovin’ sissies that say soccer is a drag just watched a kicker win a 3.5 hour bore-a-thon – that’s right, a damn kicker.

Disclaimer: I love NFL football but I can’t imagine giving two shits about two dainty bitch teams like the Steelers or the Titans. Don’t agree? Eat me and watch a real sport, pussy.

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First, let me state that I am excited about the Timbers joining MLS (and the PGE Park renovation). They are going to play a crucial part in bringing the league to the next level.

With that being said, the cost to the city of bringing NHL to here is significantly less than bringing MLS here was. Portland already has a hockey venue in the Rose Garden and they can already juggle the time it takes to change the venue basketball court to a rink pretty well (although the Winterhawks occasionally play at the Memorial Coliseum as well).

Not only that, but look at the city’s history of hockey – the first American professional hockey club was here, we’ve already had the first U.S team to compete for the Stanley Cup (granted…this was in like 1916..) and we have the Winterhawks that have a small, but dedicated following. The type of fans that get into soccer can easily transition into hockey fans as well – NHL games have the same type of atmosphere (rowdy, loud, and with lots of beer) – and Portland’s only competing market that has hockey is in BC. Compared to NFL (Seattle) or MLB (Seattle) where the closest competing team and market are just a couple hours away.

The NHL isn’t expanding any time soon, but with teams like Phoenix and Atlanta perpetually getting 1st round draft picks and losing money from ticket sales it would make sense to try and get one of these teams to relocate. It worked for Carolina (from Hartford..a traditional hockey market) and Colorado (who stole the Nordiques during a rough patch in the 1990s). But if the right people tried selling Gary Bettman (commissioner for the NHL) on hockey in Portland – especially with the recent and projected success of the Timbers in the MLS – then we could be looking at an amazing sports city.

I mean, who wouldn’t be down for that? Okay, provided Portland didn’t name them the Rosebuds again…

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I guess the fact that I was just a tiny bit vocal about Seatown’s Official Mascot of the Mentally Challenged, Jacob Joseph Reeder, has a few of his Xbox Live friends in a RAGE and when they’re not trying to score some wicked Achievement Points (or participating in one of Jakes infamous circle jerks) they’re emailing me to let me know that my days are hereby numbered.

Gosh. That’s scary!

Seriously? I’ve more or less already forgotten about this. You guys have awfully long attention spans considering your extremely low IQ’s. I’m impressed. Have you phoned your parents back in the midwest lately to let them know how tough and big city streetwise you’ve become since moving to the coast? I would if I were you. I’m sure they’ll want to know.

I’ll be here waiting for the next Sounders Short Bus to head on down – no worries kids. In the meantime, why don’t you fellas go get some fresh air – go down to Pike Place Poser Market where all of the short-timer live-in tourists gather and watch them throw some of those stupid fuckin’ fish back and forth. (Tip to the wise: We born and bred Seattle folk HATE that place).

And kiss my ass.

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Let’s clear the air here a little bit then shall we?

1. I know I’m an asshole and pride myself in being one. I giggle like a halfwit anime school girl every time I’m called one so until you’re willing to bring something a little more creative to the table, give it up already.

2. I’m from Seattle and I was a Sounders fan before many of you fucktards were even born. I lost interest sometime thereafter (for a decade or two in fact) and then, mortified by the shit hole my hometown of Seattle was becoming I moved to Portland. Yeah, that might make me sound pretty damn old (I’m actually not) but rest assured, I was a Sounders fan when I was in fucking diapers and through most of my childhood.

So why am I a Timbers fan now? That one’s easy and it has nothing to do with Portland being my new hometown… The Timbers and the Timbers Army have some of the best team/fan energy I’ve ever witnessed. They’re regular people that turn into soccer-mad fucking monsters each and every game. It’s infectious and it’s something you have to see firsthand to “get”. I didn’t understand it before moving here. The Timbers have renewed my love of soccer and the Timbers Army have renewed my interest in being a fan and going to games. Period.

So to anyone from buttfucking Seattle (where I still have both a home and a business mind you) that wants to email and tell me what’s what or that you’re going to kick my ass – good luck with that and go fuck yourself. I saw what I saw. If you love your new best friend Jake so much why don’t you go blow him?

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To everyone that has ever complained that the Timbers Army are overly rowdy, out of control, or anything less than true fans of this fine sport we choose to call soccer in the good ol’ USA, I hereby present to you one Mr. Jacob Joseph Reeder – a 34 year old fan of the Seattle Sounders. If you were anywhere near the sidelines at last nights Timbers/Sounders match then you probably witnessed Mr. Reeder in all of his sexually confused and frustrated glory as he started the world’s most pathetic “brawl”. Jacob is a classy guy, so classy that the police ended up hogtying him face down (which I’m sure Jakey is both fond of and quite used to) and hauling him to the pokey.

The rivalry is here and Seattle is armed to the teeth with undereducated fuckheads like Jake, people for whom a soccer match is nothing more than an excuse to try to start a fight (rather girlishly in this case) – without regard for the safety of anyone nearby that’s actually trying to enjoy the game, children included.

And you people complain about some minor cussing in the TA chants? Please.

UPDATED: Bonus! Now you can read all about Jake’s “orgiastic man-crushes” on his blog! (Thanks to Nevets for pointing this out)

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH8o4dXNQhk

Thanks to @LendoxPDX

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Anyway, while enjoying our hot smokin’ wieners, we noticed a trio of what appeared to be PSU students playing some simple frisbee. No rules, just a casual toss off more than anything. 2 white hippie-esque dudes and a black guy flinging a bright red frisbee in each others general direction. Whatever. No big deal.

Now, is it just me or didn’t we all more or less master the “art” of the basic frisbee throw sometime around 2nd or 3rd grade? I can’t imagine that, as a suburbanite in the Seattle area, I was exposed to so much greater frisbee education and training than elsewhere in the world but now I’ve begun to wonder. I’m not suggesting that I’m an expert, not by a mile, but 99% of my throws find there way within 5 feet of their mark – every time. By contrast, these three PSU hippies kids couldn’t tag a freestanding bong store standing 10 feet away. Now, I will grant you, one of them was wearing a cast on his right leg so we knew he wouldn’t be making too many diving catches, but that aside – I’ve never seen such ineptitude involving anyone under the age of 80 and a plastic disc.

Each hippie had his own technique:

• Hippie #1 (we named him “Polo Shirt”) had the “slick flick” that produced an amazing skyward arc that would bring the frisbee crashing down two feet away from everyone EXCEPT its intended target.
• Hippie #2 (we named him “Ouch, My Leg”) featured a wicked upper body back twist and 180 degree spin release that guaranteed maximum power …. and maximum time between throws because the disc would end up about half a block down the street in the wrong direction.
• Hippie #3 (affectionately known to us now as “Token”) proved to us in a matter of a minute why he’s hanging with two stinky white hippies playing frisbee instead of hanging with the cool black dudes on the nearby basketball court. His super-ultra-mega-move consisted of a “between the legs” throw that would ricochet off the back of his calf at least 80% of the time. He even tripped twice trying to affect this maneuver.

We must all do more. As Sabrina so pointedly pointed out as the fucking frisbee whizzed by her head on more than one occasion (and we were half a block away) – as teachers in schools in the lower grade levels, as parents, as friends in the community – we must all do our share to ensure that young adults receive the proper frisbee training and education that they so richly deserve. Otherwise, someone is going to get hurt.

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Well, unfortunately it looks like the rest of Portland didn’t really get it either and now we are set to bid a fond farewell to one of the few Portland area sports teams as the LumberJax announced yesterday that they’re looking to move the team because they just can’t afford to keep the lights on around here. Frankly I’m sort of surprised really – it would seem a perfect fit, a sport that few people know about or understand (or maybe it’s just me, who knows) works perfectly in a city like Portland, at least on paper. Call it “weird meets weird”. How could it fail?

$300,000.00 in sponsorship decline will do it every time.

So now they have their sights on Seattle as a potential new home. Seriously? Seattle couldn’t even keep a damn NBA team around and you’re figuring there’s a market there? Why not ride the season out in Portland and see if the economy as a whole doesn’t turn around? The LumberJax are still a young franchise and they’re playing in a city with extremely high unemployment right now – what do you expect?

Seems lame because it is lame.

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It isn’t so much that I’m disappointed. The Blazers made a go of it and I think they’ll be back better than ever next year. It isn’t even that the Timbers home opener was a little uneventful either, a 0-0 draw against Carolina ain’t so bad. No, it’s more than this was one of the few evenings in Portland sports that actually had us making decisions – what to watch?? – it doesn’t happen very often when you’re “under-teamed” like Portland is, so it just felt like a little bit of a letdown, that’s all. 

Congrats to the Blazers on a very good season. You managed to get me to care about the NBA again and that alone surprised me.

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Stay tuned though, tomorrow is officially Timbers Day around here.

Finally, to the 70 year old lady across the hall from me… Could you please stop telling me the story of your bum knee? I’m one of those irritating people that likes to consider himself a “visual person” and…. I should’t have to explain the rest.

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Nowadays, I’ve been about as disinterested in the Blazers as well. Sure, they’ve been a growing team and sure it’s been nearly impossible to avoid getting caught up in the excitement but I’ve been there before with pro sports teams in the Pacific Northwest – I just went through this a couple of years ago with my dear Seattle Seahawks in the Superbowl. Every time I start to care, I find myself getting way too pissed off when “my” team starts to lose.

And yet I haven’t learned my lesson either. Try as I might, I’ve been quietly paying attention to the Blazers if for no other reason than I secretly want to see the sad, sad city of Portland have something to cheer up about. Wouldn’t it be cool – given all of the crap we’re all going through day in and day out with skyrocketing foreclosure rates, rampant unemployment, and businesses failing left and right – wouldn’t it be cool if we just had something to cheer us up and help everyone forget it all?

After tonight’s close game ended up in a loss I’m still here and I still believe, foolish as though it may be. I still believe that our only pro sports team in this city can pull it off and advance in the playoffs. Call me stupid, call me a fair-weather fan, call me Shirley – I don’t care. I’m caught up in the hope that this young team can pull through against the odds… Much like I’m hopeful that Portland, as a city, can pull through its slump, as bad as it is.

On days like this I actually feel bad about the title of this blog and of the podcast and radio show. Sniff sniff, weep weep, whatever… I still love this place – even if it sucks.

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See the original page here. Thanks to the ever Eagle-Eyed Sabrina Miller for this one. Go to bed Sabrina, it’s way too late to be pickin’ through the InterWebNet.  Freak.

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“The word ‘gay’, in addition to being used to mean ‘homosexual’ or ‘carefree’, was often now used to mean ‘lame’ or ‘rubbish’. This is a widespread current usage of the word amongst young people… The word ‘gay’ … need not be offensive… or homophobic”

There, now with that out of the way, let me say this: I “get” skateboarding, I used to do it all the time before I completely fucked up both my knees. I even get BMX and all that though I didn’t “get” it until long after the aforementioned knee destruction. But rollerblading? I guess I was born long enough ago now where I remember the first time this came around.

It was gay then, it’s still gay now.

Every Spring, here on the lovely PSU campus next to which I live, the guys that aren’t either locked up in a room with an Xbox or involved in regular sports, all pick an ESPN X-treme outdoor activity to latch onto. Two years ago it was skateboarding, last year it was BMX, this year it’s… rollerblading. Now, I’ll give them some credit, they’re trying X-tremely hard to break their necks for my amusement which does make the whole thing entertaining but the more I look around, the more I see a lot of people catching rollerblading fever – again. Three words for you folks -- ROLLERBLADING IS GAY.

Are you kids unaware that for however righteous someone like Tony Hawk is, you look quite the opposite when you’re swinging your hips back and forth to propel yourself forward like a hula whore? Does it really need to be said that the official man-powered mode of transportation at the annual pride parades is rollerblading for that very same reason? You kids glide around (I refuse to call it skating) with your nifty death metal shirts and black rollerblades -- looking all alterna-mean and all that but it’s all for naught when your ‘moves’ have more in common with Jazzercise than anything. What’s coming next year? Stunt Yoga? Pilates X-treme?

I can’t believe your parents, or even your older brothers and sisters, haven’t stopped to give you the speech yet. People are laughing at you. Yes, it’s a viable activity and good exercise, you get points for that – but so is frisbee golf, and that’s gay too.

Edit: Video added at kakaroacha’s request…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRxEtN-nP4Y

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3. No Show This Morning – Let’s Blame The Blazers

Note: This is a rare CLEAN episode of Portland Sucks Live, really, it is.

Download audio file (pdxsucks-mlsspecial.mp3)

Related posts:

1. pdxsucks.com podcast – may 29, 2009
2. Interviews from the MLS Soccer Event Downtown at the Hilton…
3. pdxsucks.com podcast – october 8, 2009

I just got off the phone with our own resident ace-reporter (and no, I’m still not claiming to be a worthy or reliable news source) who is absolutely elated (!!!) at the MLS Soccer happenings at the downtown PDX Hilton. Yes, another case of MLSPDX SOCCER FEVER! So elated is she in fact that she’s late for another appointment/interview – no matter.

Anyway, stay tuned – we’ll be back this afternoon with a special Friday broadcast/podcast with all of the ultra-spiffy details.

Related posts:

1. MLS in PDX? A 99.9% Certainty!
2. pdxsucks.com podcast special edition – mls soccer comes to portland
3. Leaky Studio = No Broadcast Today

It has come to my attention that there will be a very important announcement this Friday with the  Portland Timbers and and MLS representatives.

What:  Rally and Press Conference Announcement

When: 9:30 a.m., Friday March 20

Where:  Portland Hilton - 921 SW Sixth Avenue, Portland Oregon

What we need to do:  We need to take what we did with the MLS to PDX rally and be even louder, prouder, more drums, and even more noise. It looks like this is going to be the CELEBRATION we have all been waiting for!  Our goal is 300 people for this event wearing your green and white plus as many scarves as we can muster.    Arrive early to claim your flag, banner, drum etc.  As always the Timbers Army and Timbers fans will play a prominent part in any announcement.    
Do whatever it takes to join us.

Be a part of history. 

Myself and co-host Sabrina are going to be heading down there, we suggest you do the same. This is a landmark event for our city no matter how you slice it, soccer fans or not. 

Thanks for sending that Lucas, I appreciate it.

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1. 200 Angry Sounders Fans Can’t Be Wrong… Or Can They?
2. pdxsucks.com podcast special edition – mls soccer comes to portland
3. Guest Post: NHL in Portland?

http://www.portlandonline.com/mayor/index.cfm?pact=DisplayContent&nocache=1&comment_posted=1&c=49519&a=234419

Of particular interest to me was this quote:

Why now?

As tough as the economy is right now, now is the time we need to take smart risks to invest in Portland’s future success.  Of course it has to be the right kind of deal but the pieces are in alignment now that may never again be in place:

An expansion opportunity now with a new but growing sports league,  The right kind of deal has been forged, and  We have the right partner in Merritt and the Paulson family.

In Merritt, the city has a partner who has already demonstrated his willingness to work with us, to think creatively and to be resourceful. We have a partner with the deep capital resources to commit to this venture. We have a partner who is willing to take on the risks that the private sector can take on to make the deal one that is fair and considerate to the city’s need to be fiscally conservative and risk-averse. 

And we have a partner who has already shown his passion for this city and its sports community – moving his family to the region, buying two ailing sports clubs and improving them, and providing personal guarantees to this venture’s success.

Thanks Sam… I knew I wanted you in office for a reason.

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1. Portland Gay Mayor-Elect Sam Adams Snow Storm 2008 Blooper Reel
2. Hey San Diego! Sam’s Our Mayor, Not Yours.
3. A Man, His Helmet, His Website, and His Mission To Oust Sam Adams…

You want to put Portland on the map? Want to be known for something other than the mayors sex scandal and contrived green living? I sure as shit do. As much as I support Sam Adams and those “Recycling is Sexy” t-shirts, I want something from this city that says “hey fucker, Portland ain’t no little league town”… It is with that in mind that I HEREBY BEG SALEM TO GIVE THE OKEY DOKEY TO GET US AN MLS TEAM.

That’s right, I fucking hate sports for the most part but it’s about goddamn time we had something other than Greg Oden’s bruised kneecap to rout for. I’m thrilled that the Ducks despise the Beavers but ultimately don’t give a shit because I didn’t go to college at either university. No, what I want is good old fashioned mutherfucking soccer baby. Portland prides itself on being the weird epicenter of the west coast, let’s put our money where our mouth is and get ourselves a legitimate full on pro soccer team. Soccer is the bizarro red headed stepchild sport in the U.S., it’ll fit right in here.

What do we have to do? Revamp PGE Park… That’s just about it. Expensive? Sure! But it’ll create a few jobs along the way and attendance and an increase in spending in the area around each game will cover it in a heartbeat. Will you feel the tax? Probably not. So what’s the excuse?

You’ll be giving Portland the benefit of finally being a “real” city – one with two pro sports teams. You’ll be creating jobs for construction workers and all kinds of folks throughout the project. Last, and most importantly, you’ll be guarantying work for the aforementioned Sports Radio Jocks above – a good thing because, let’s face it, between them there is precious little else that they could do for a living – unemployment is already out of hand, don’t add another dozen to the pile.

Go here and harass the fuck out of each and every one of these folks. Do it. Do it right now.

Related posts:

1. There’s Still Hope For Sports in Our Fair City… Really
2. Superbowl Sunday in Portland… Big Deal
3. Greg Oden Injured Again – Portland Hangs It’s Collective Head in Shame

If ever there were a man that was born with an unfortunate set of legs, it’s Greg Oden. No one yet knows the severity of Oden’s latest bout of knee pain. At least its his other (non operative) knee anyway. Regardless, after Thursdays game with the Warrior’s, Oden was experiencing some discomfort that even 4 Aleve and a $21 million dollar salary couldn’t help. Doctor’s gave him an MRI and found some swelling and a small chip in his patella. Given the size of Oden’s patella relative to regular people like you or me, that chip could be the size of an Oreo cookie, who knows. 

Oden was quoted as saying “…ouch” and is expected to return soon. He received a lollipop and a can of TurtleWax for being such a sport.

Related posts:

1. Greg Oden: 0
   Leg/Foot Injuries: 3
2. Greg Oden Injured Again – Portland Hangs It’s Collective Head in Shame
3. pdxsucks.com podcast – mar. 3, 2009

Nike announced today that they plan on dumping a few million dollars into figuring out who to shit can in order to reduce their workforce by 4% by late May

Hmmmm. Livelihood for 1,400 people or the chance to keep Tiger’s head out of direct sunlight? Gosh, that IS a tough call. 

Perhaps the unlucky pink slip recipients will be those severely underpaid Indonesian kids that we hear about every now and then?

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As we are what The Oregonian calls “a top 30 city”, you have to wonder why we’re so indifferent to pro sports. There are more than 30 pro football teams after all – yet all we got was this lousy basketball team. Maybe it’s out “keep Portland weird” mentality? Maybe NFL football is just too mainstream for the likes of us? Maybe we’re too white and affluent to “get” the point of non-collegiate football. Sports for money? Dear God! That’s not liberal thinking!

Whatever the case, I get just a little bit depressed every Superbowl Sunday here in Portland. Lesser cities have something that we don’t (can you say “Detroit”?) and while we’re busily striving to be the next Seattle or San Francisco and justify our place on the map, it feels like we’re missing out on one of the fundamental needs of any big city….. pro sports teams.

Related posts:

1. Legitimize Portland Sports – Just Say Yes To MLS
2. 2 Games Down, I’m Still Holding Out Hope for the Blazers
3. There’s Still Hope For Sports in Our Fair City… Really

So that all of our readers can keep up, we’ve created the “Unofficial Greg Oden Injury Progress Chart” at right. Let’s make it a challenge shall we? Can Greg Oden complete the chart and make it completely red before Portland completely loses faith in him? Does anyone here even pay attention to the Blazers anyway? 

Only time will tell but we’ve got 100 bucks that says he’ll get at least on more injury before April.

Related posts:

1. Greg Oden vs. Knee Injuries – Knee Injuries Win!
2. Greg Oden Injured Again – Portland Hangs It’s Collective Head in Shame
3. pdxsucks.com podcast – mar. 3, 2009

So imagine my surprise when we’re walking down the deli and cold beverage aisle at Psycho Safeway downtown late Sunday afternoon and a crazed looking silver haired women suddenly blurts out “Who won the civil war?….WHO WON THE CIVIL WAR?!!”.  If you’ve been to Psycho Safeway you’ll understand where I’m coming from here – it’s all too common for psych ward freaks and crackheads to wander the store spewing nonsense at every possible level of volume from whimper to shout, so my natural thought here is simple…

“Ummmm, the north?”

No! As it turns out she’s trying to find out who won the REAL Civil War. You know, the game between the Fucking Ducks and Beavers. Well color me embarrassed. How could I possibly have confused the historic war against the spread of slavery with an incredibly important annual event like a three hour college football snoozefest? I must be fucking mentally deficient – here I thought I was going to be spending time schooling a middle aged woman in US history when all she wanted was fucking sports page news. I guess the ESPN Sports Gods will probably strike me down now huh?

Frankly, I’ve never felt so proud to be an ignorant fuck in my life.

Related posts:

1. pdxsucks.com podcast – august 24, 2009
2. Superbowl Sunday in Portland… Big Deal
3. Legitimize Portland Sports – Just Say Yes To MLS

Mr. Delany was rushed to a nearby hospital and is listed in critical condition. The monument had no comment.

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Then he got injured. Out for the whole 2007 season. But there’s always next year, right? Turns out the answer to that might well be “NO” because “next year” just started last night and guess what? Greg Oden is out of commission again. To paraphrase ESPN: “Sixteen months of waiting … for less than 13 minutes of play.” Beautiful.

So this must be some kind of record, right? The most money for the least playing time? The most hope for the biggest letdown? Twice?  That’s one expensive benchwarmer – a total of 13 minutes of play time. Hell, I’m a 6ft. white guy that hasn’t touched a basketball in years – give me half Oden’s money, I’ll give you a full 26 minutes! 

If Portland sports weren’t a joke before, they sure as shit are now.

Related posts:

1. Greg Oden: 0
   Leg/Foot Injuries: 3
2. Greg Oden vs. Knee Injuries – Knee Injuries Win!
3. Legitimize Portland Sports – Just Say Yes To MLS