It took only about 24 hours but we finally hit a nice even hate email mark of 200 this morning. That’s 200 angry and confused Seattle Sounders fans wasting their breath (or in this case their fingers) trying to convince me that I’m both an asshole, and that I’m wrong about what “really” happened at PGE Park Wednesday night.
Let’s clear the air here a little bit then shall we?
1. I know I’m an asshole and pride myself in being one. I giggle like a halfwit anime school girl every time I’m called one so until you’re willing to bring something a little more creative to the table, give it up already.
2. I’m from Seattle and I was a Sounders fan before many of you fucktards were even born. I lost interest sometime thereafter (for a decade or two in fact) and then, mortified by the shit hole my hometown of Seattle was becoming I moved to Portland. Yeah, that might make me sound pretty damn old (I’m actually not) but rest assured, I was a Sounders fan when I was in fucking diapers and through most of my childhood.
So why am I a Timbers fan now? That one’s easy and it has nothing to do with Portland being my new hometown… The Timbers and the Timbers Army have some of the best team/fan energy I’ve ever witnessed. They’re regular people that turn into soccer-mad fucking monsters each and every game. It’s infectious and it’s something you have to see firsthand to “get”. I didn’t understand it before moving here. The Timbers have renewed my love of soccer and the Timbers Army have renewed my interest in being a fan and going to games. Period.
So to anyone from buttfucking Seattle (where I still have both a home and a business mind you) that wants to email and tell me what’s what or that you’re going to kick my ass – good luck with that and go fuck yourself. I saw what I saw. If you love your new best friend Jake so much why don’t you go blow him?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I love you Robert Wagner. Though I did puke a little when you said you used to be a Sounders *spit* fan.
Sincerely,
Regular guy >> soccer-mad fucking monster.
Back-off Lucas! I saw him first!
getz a room for ur 3way
careful you could get the dicks form the mercury to write stories about how you cant be more gay then they are!
Robert FTW!! ACES!
Like you, I lived in Seattle when I was a kid. Being born in Portland, I was always a Blazer fan and took a lot of shit for it.
Even as a kid, I hate that my family lived in Seattle (or rather the Seattle area)- luckily we moved back when I was in middle-school. And I see the Sounders-Timbers rivalry as a parallel to the character of the cities themselves. Sounders are all about money, Timbers are all heart. Home is where the heart is.
RCTID