Jacob Joseph Reeder: Cialis Abuser, Sounders Fan

by admin on July 2, 2009

jacob_joseph_reeder

To everyone that has ever complained that the Timbers Army are overly rowdy, out of control, or anything less than true fans of this fine sport we choose to call soccer in the good ol’ USA, I hereby present to you one Mr. Jacob Joseph Reeder – a 34 year old fan of the Seattle Sounders. If you were anywhere near the sidelines at last nights Timbers/Sounders match then you probably witnessed Mr. Reeder in all of his sexually confused and frustrated glory as he started the world’s most pathetic “brawl”. Jacob is a classy guy, so classy that the police ended up hogtying him face down (which I’m sure Jakey is both fond of and quite used to) and hauling him to the pokey.

The rivalry is here and Seattle is armed to the teeth with undereducated fuckheads like Jake, people for whom a soccer match is nothing more than an excuse to try to start a fight (rather girlishly in this case) – without regard for the safety of anyone nearby that’s actually trying to enjoy the game, children included.

And you people complain about some minor cussing in the TA chants? Please.

UPDATED: Bonus! Now you can read all about Jake’s “orgiastic man-crushes” on his blog! (Thanks to Nevets for pointing this out)

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Seattle Tough Guys Threaten Yours Truly… Laughter Ensues | Portland Sucks
July 10, 2009 at 2:38 pm

{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

icefunk July 3, 2009

Awesome comments about the Portland Timbers!!!!

SOCCER CITY USA!!

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Shandy Sisters July 3, 2009

Awesome homophobic insults, very creative.

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real story July 3, 2009

The Sounders fan was attacked by Timbers fans who were trying to steal his scarf and sign. He was defending himself.

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more than jake July 3, 2009

i`m sure thats why the police took him away. not because he was a drunk and obnoxious asshole. i was 5 feet away. he started it.

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Sounder At Heart July 3, 2009

What’s funny is that this happened in a beer garden, and you just admitted that you allow children in there.

What’s wrong with you people that you have to have your kids get drunk to enjoy the beautiful game?

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RobertWagner July 3, 2009

I’m missing the part where anyone admitted to allowing children into the beer garden? What I said was that soccer games in general are attended by young and old. This isn’t a fucking tavern and the adults in the room are more than welcome to have a good time, but not if there’s potential risk to everyone else around them, especially kids.

Reading comprehension… A little goes a long way.

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Sounder At Heart July 3, 2009

Sorry that I am able to comprehend your writing better than you.

You said that he did this “without regard for the safety of anyone nearby that’s actually trying to enjoy the game, children included.”

What the hell were kids doing in the Beer Garden?

Words have meaning, choose your own carefully.

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Nevets July 3, 2009

Robert Wagner is my Limo Driver.

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steeplechase3k July 3, 2009

The Beer Garden is only 21 and over on Thursdays from my experience, those are the only times I’ve ever seen anyone checking IDs

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Ninj July 3, 2009

typical shittle scum. what an absolute disgrace.

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chinmynuts July 3, 2009

do it portland

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Shittle Fan July 3, 2009

Multiple Timbers fans attacked him, there were many witnesses that will testify to that fact.

They were yanking on his scarf trying to steal it and ripped the banner off the poles and threw it in the air.

PGE security stepped in once the guy started defending himself and the timbers fans slinked away into the crowd with no punishment.

It was clear that the Timber’s FO didn’t want any trouble from Portland fans. They didn’t want their funding efforts for the Stadium hurt in any way. Convenient of the PGE staff to ignore the Timber’s fans who started the whole thing don’t you think?

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Sounder At Heart July 3, 2009

Ok, Steep, I stand corrected. I guess he was trying to hurt children. ;)

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Marvin July 3, 2009

Its always someone elses fault when Seattle is involved…god it gets old.

Suck it up, disown the jerk, and don’t make excuses for him..but that would demand CLASS which Seattle Sounders fans are sadly lacking in.

I’ll probably get my life threatened or peppered with homophobic slurs for even posting this.

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RobertWagner July 3, 2009

Actually Sounder At Heart, what I said was this:

“people for whom a soccer match is nothing more than an excuse to try to start a fight (rather girlishly in this case) – without regard for the safety of anyone nearby that’s actually trying to enjoy the game, children included.”

It was a generalized statement against violence at games and was not directed entirely at Mr. Reeder. Around Portland everyone is constantly up in arms at the Timbers Army for being a little “too loud” or “too obnoxious” or “too rowdy”. The fact is, all of that is fine with me. Soccer games NEED loud fans, otherwise we might as well be at the fucking opera. What soccer games DON’T NEED is jackasses getting into fights in the stands, beer gardens, restrooms, wherever… That’s just dumb.

I love a good fight, I just don’t need to feel macho in front of families with kids or at events that kids might attend. Cheering on your team sets a great example for kids, acting like an asshole does not.

As for the rest, I’m with Marvin there… disown the creep and be done with it. The Timbers fans here are very much looking forward to decades of kicking some sorry Sounderbutt and we’d love to have you back down, along with your fancy glow-in-the-dark Xbox jerseys. Just leave the dickheads home next time k? We promise we’ll try to do the same.

RobertWagner
Seattle Native Turned TA Limo Driver (wtf??! lol)

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real story July 3, 2009

Will you disown the Timbers fans who attacked him? It isn’t fair to hold this guy up as an example of bad behavior when he was trying to defend himself from people trying to steal his belongings. It has nothing to do with Sounders v Timbers. In fact, it seems that you are allowing your Timbers partisanship to get the better of you, as you seem to really want to spin things to make the Sounders look bad. Will you own up to what really happened?

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barnacle brian July 3, 2009

Have you ever had a tin of Flounder…

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RobertWagner July 3, 2009

The Sounders FANS do look bad when they bring a sock-fucking maggot like this with them to another city for a match.

I was 30 feet away from “what really happened”. What I saw was a walking-talking disruptive cum-towel being a complete ass and freaking right the fuck out. You don’t end up with a resisting arrest charge in these parts unless you were severely out of control. Seattle PD makes Portland PD look like campfire girls when it comes to that sort of thing – we’re pretty fucking passive and our police dept. is really no exception, at least in my opinion.

If I litter my comments with some anti-Sounder sentiment, so be it. I was a Sounders fan before I could even call myself a Kindergartner (back when they played in the damn Kingdome) so I’ve been on that side too.

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C July 3, 2009

Here is what really happened, no heresy only facts. Some Seattle ass clown went to jail for a few charges. He was hogtied by security at a public game. Those are the facts….

Bottom line the TA is not mentioned in this for good reason, they were not guilty. Hope this macho man gets the well deserved recognition his actions deserve. What a loser! Everybody is literally pointing at you… hahahahahaha!

Lets go Timbers!

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Lucas July 4, 2009

Robert Wagner, I…I think I love you.

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RobertWagner July 4, 2009

awww shucks…

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Daaaaave July 4, 2009

Here’s the question none of the Seattle internet hooligans have bothered to answer yet. Even if “OMG multiple Portland Timbers fans attacked him and ruined his sign”, what was he doing down there in a Timbers section, during the match, waving a sign in people’s faces in the first place?

Next time you dim fucks should be penned in like the corporate sheep you are.

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spotty July 4, 2009

i applaud the effort that went into the bus organizing in seattle.
but i ran into some of you who seem to think that just because you bought an overpriced (ugly ass) kit, a bus ticket and came down to the piggy for the first time in your life.. you seem to have some sort of instant cred. heres an idea – make your OWN scarves and other merch and dont let the big companies brand soccer culture in the NW! you all look and act EXACTLY like adidas and mls wants you to act. but compared to the sadness that was the pod… i applaud your efforts in organizing.. sheep.

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Mom July 4, 2009

Wow. It’s really a pleasure to read such intelligent and articulate language about my son. You should be proud, lads. I’m sure your mothers are.

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RobertWagner July 4, 2009

And if my name was Jake Reeder I just read this and thought to myself “god mom, why did you have to go and do that?!”…

“Now NONE of the kids are going to wanna hang with me!!”

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real story July 4, 2009

Daaaaave, he wasn’t in a Timbers section. He was in the beer garden where fans from the whole stadium were mingling. The facts are that he was attacked by Timbers fans and was trying to defend himself. He had his hands full with the poles that used to have his sign attached to them. The sign was taken by Timbers fans along with his scarf.

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kirsten July 4, 2009

He was not attacked at all! He started the whole fight you creep. It was my bf’s husband that he started tangling with first and he was swinging this pole around trying to hit people with it because someone told him that he was blocking their view!! You can only ask people so many times in a nice way to stop ruining the game for us! That jerk got what was coming to him and I hope he had to hitch hike back to Washington!! Get your real story straight real story! If you were there then why didn’t you help your stupid friend out? Becausse you weren’t there!!

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barnacle brian July 4, 2009

Anybody want a broken seattle sounder two stick? It’s a little beat up, (It’s missing one stick) but all in all, it was a great find. I got it in the PGE beer garden. Also I have a corporate seattle sounder scarf and hat. On the inside of the hat are the intials J.J.R., Any idea who it belongs too?

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Soda Popinski July 4, 2009

Seattle Sounders are cockstuffers.

Proof http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urethral_sounding

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Shittle Fan July 4, 2009

Question, why were Timbers fans parked out right underneath Seattle’s sections with flags and two poles?

They weren’t there to support their team, only to cause trouble.

Why don’t you focus your efforts to the lads on the field, not the people in the stands.

Some Seattle fans went down into the beer garden with their own two poles. They should focus their efforts to the players on the field as well.

However, How can someone fight while holding a two pole up in the air? Well, they can start swinging the poles once the banner portion is ripped off. Which would imply that he was indeed attacked first.

lets not let logic get in the way of your little blog though…

If two poles, banners and flags are not allowed in the beer garden, than Security should have done something about it. Otherwise anyone crying about the two pole blocking their already shitty view in the beer garden shouldn’t really be complaining.

You can read the comments of the various videos, blogs and forums on the subject. Timbers fans are inconsistent in what they are saying.
Some Timbers fans are saying “way to defend our stadium” in reference to the guys who attacked the Sounder fan and “That’s what you get for messing with Timber Jim” etc.

Sounds like Timber’s fans who “saw” the incident are telling different stories on what happened. Seattle fans who saw the incident are all telling the same story.

And again, you can look at all the video’s and pictures posted by Timbers fans. Why do they ALL conveniently start when the PGE staff is already subduing the guy. In one you can clearly hear the guy who took the video laughing and saying, “I got the whole thing on video”

It is because you refuse to post the video and pictures because they will incriminate your own.

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RobertWagner July 4, 2009

“Why do they ALL conveniently start when the PGE staff is already subduing the guy.”

…because that’s the entertaining part?

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Charolastra July 5, 2009

This assclown deserved it on stupidity alone. ” Hey, I know, I’ll go down there with my two stick so that the TA can see cool we are…I mean, what can go wrong? I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of my neat-o two stick”
Cops hog tie people when the cuffs aren’t enough.
I don’t think the cops would do that to just some dude who was attacked and was “just defending himself” Whatever, who gives a rat’s fuck about jackass shittle clowns.

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Finnegan July 6, 2009

I would just like to point out that this useless douchebag tried to start something with folks in the BEER GARDEN. The freaking beer garden. That’s like trying to beat up a cripple. The TA makes fun of the beer garden folks. We deride them in our chants for lack of participation and general apathy towards the match and team.

You know you have to be a massive douche to rile that crowd up. Imagine if he had come into the North End?

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Paul December 18, 2009

I saw this whole thing. Everyone’s deserving of at least a little blame.

What happened was this: Several Seattle fans, including Jake, were down in the beer garden area, which is located directly below and in front of the away fans/supporters section.

About ten minutes before all this happened with Jake, a Portscum supporter (I assume TA member, but have no way of verifying it) was marching around down there with an anti-Seattle two-pole.

He was obviously in that area deliberately and holding it up for the away supporter section to see, and also occasionally blocking the view of people in the beer garden- including Seattle fans.

I went down and talked with the security guy. I pointed out that the ECS and Seattle supporters/fans weren’t going over to the TA section and trying to piss them off and block their view with our two-poles, and suggested that it wasn’t smart to allow a Portscum supporter to do the same thing.

He agreed and got the guy removed from that area.

Okay, stage is set. Ten minutes later, another Portscum fan shows up with another two-pole and does the same thing.

The security guys ignored him; I believe they were basically ignoring anything unless someone complained, which is a stupid way to do security in this case; you have to be proactive whenever you’re in a situation where fans/supporters of both clubs are mixing. (That’s kind of the idea of having a separate away supporters’ section in the first place. Duh.)

I was on my way down AGAIN to get the security going again. In the meanwhile, Jake was marching around right in front of the Portscum guy, holding up his (Jake’s) Sounders flag in front of the TA two-pole to block the view. This was probably not the smartest idea Jake’s ever had but oh well, too late now.

(Jake didn’t have a two-pole, he had a single PVC with a flag on it- like he carried to many games last year; I personally saw him in DC with it among other away trips. Those who claim Jake had a two-pole are either lying or are misstating how well they saw the situation.)

Things got more heated very quickly as some Portscum fans tried to tug on Jake’s flag; things started to get a bit physical, and then the crucial thing happened- someone grabbed Jake’s scarf and yanked it, trying to pull it off.

Unfortunately, it was knotted, and that yanked Jake back and choked him. He turned, swung at the guy with his pole, and then the scrum was on.

The resisting charge stems from the fact that Jake was getting thumped from all sides (plenty of Scummers waded in to try and take a poke at Jake) and he kept swinging back- even when it was the security guys who were grabbing at him. Technically, sure, he was resisting, but in that heated moment he didn’t know who was doing what to him.

So the lesson learned? Portscum’s security staff are lazy fucks. (Don’t feel attacked, ours in Seattle suck too; we’re continually having issues with them.) The Scummers who came with their two-pole were trying to start something. Jake fell for it and got into trouble. He’s a good guy who made a bad choice but who was NOT the instigator; he was directly in front of the away supporters’ section and not doing anything other than what was already being allowed by the security (ie marching around with a sign/flag and blocking people’s view).

And the first physical contact that really led to anything was a guy doing something that’s common at a soccer match like that- trying to steal a guy’s scarf.

That’s what happened.

The way to stop it in the future is simple- keep the goddamn supporters sections clear of each other and stop people from deliberately trying to start something or be jerks. If the TA guy never shows up and marches around immediately in front of the AWAY supporters’ section with a two-pole, blocking people’s view, this never happens.

And all the character assassination on Jake is uncalled for. He fucked up, he’s paid his dues, and the blog name is more right than you know, because Portscum sucks.

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devlyn January 5, 2010

Awwww this was classic. I miss soccer season…

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Fenerdouche January 22, 2010

Always instigating the opponents those Timber cu*t’s they are.

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