With the rash of bank robberies in Oregon these days, we’ve wound up with quite the collection of “bandits” – that ever so affectionate nickname that the FBI seems so keen to give the criminals these days. Not so after today’s robbery at Oregon First Community Credit Union in Dallas – the first bank robbery by a MALE that I’ve seen around here in quite some time. It makes you wonder, is today’s bank robber a victim of sex discrimination, or is the FBI just all out of nicknames?
The photo at right shows the “person of interest” – I love it when they call them that. Of how much interest is this person? Well, probably quite a bit since they caught him in the act on camera. But they have as much to work with here as anywhere else so why no nickname? Why can’t he be the “Camo Hat Bandit”? The “Widescreen Squishy Head Bandit”? Or maybe the “Too Dumb To Cover His Face While Robbing a Bank Bandit”? I say this man deserves better! He deserves the minimum treatment that the FBI gives to everyone else in this state that robs a bank. Why not? Does being born with a penis mean you aren’t “bandit worthy”? I think not.
Dear Mr. Camo Hat Black Sweatshirt Wearing Bandit, demand your right to a fun and whimsical FBI nickname. Demand to be a Bandit and join the elite core of Oregon bank robbers. Phone the FBI and tell them that you simply won’t stand for anything less than equal treatment. Tell them that RobertWagner and the Portland Sucks blog stand behind you and that their treatment of you is simply inexcusible.
I’ve conveniently listed the appropriate phone numbers below. Make your voice heard and help ensure that other penis-carrying bank robbers get the “Bandit” moniker that they deserve, we’re all counting on you.
For more information, phone the Dallas Police Department at 503-831-3516; the FBI in Salem, 503-362-6601 during normal business hours; or the FBI in Portland at 503-224-4181, 24 hours a day.
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lol
He did have a mask on.