Are you a horny male age 20 to 39 that doesn’t smoke (presumably they mean cigarettes, this IS Portland after all)? Then you’re in luck! Earn $100 twice weekly by stimulating yourself into a plastic cup! OHSU is on the lookout for qualified masturbators, especially Asians, willing to slap their monkeys for cold hard cash! (meaning YOUR monkey, not the monkeys at OHSU – we’ve already been there, done that).
With the economy in the crapper, competition is FIERCE! After all, you were already doing it pretty much daily while you’re on unemployment anyway, right? You might as well get paid for it.
OHSU will then take your discarded baby paste and sell it for $12,000 to $15,000! HEY! Wait a minute! Let’s try that math again… I jack off in a cup and get a $100 bill… OHSU then SELLS MY SPERM FOR $12K to $15K? But I’m getting paid to whack off…. Sounds fair to me.
OHSU is also looking for the occasional egg so women can get in on the action too. Sadly, eggs are only worth $5,000.00 when they’re picked by a recipient – so it’s entirely possible that you’ll get diddly squat for your time ladies!
So much for equality in the modern workforce eh?
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