I have no idea how or why but for some reason I’ve been on a hot streak with the video lottery machines since the anti-smoking law went into place. Maybe it’s the money that’s been sitting in these machines for months now that the little old lady’s don’t bother gambling anymore, or maybe it’s just some stupid cosmic coincidence – whatever the case, I’m up $1,500 so far this week alone.
Now, it would be irresponsible of me to suggest that you too should partake in the video lottery. It is, after all, gambling and gambling is BAD mmm’kay? Gambling is no way to get through these tough economic times, nor should it be considered an investment of any sort. Unless you’re me of course because I CAN’T FUCKING LOSE!
I can’t guarantee that you’ll win a dime when you stick that hard earned $20 bill into the machine, in fact, you’ll likely lose it within seconds – that’s what usually happens IF YOU AREN’T ME BECAUSE I CAN TURN THAT $20 INTO $500 IN 15 MINUTES!!
It would also be unwise to suggest that you blow that unemployment check at The Lotus downtown because payouts are few and far between there UNLESS YOUR NAME IS ROBERTWAGNER AND YOU BREAK THEIR BANK ONCE A WEEK.
Admit it, half of you want to punch me right now. I’d punch me if I could… BUT MY HANDS ARE WEIGHED DOWN WITH ALL OF THIS CASH.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Prick.
no kidding,, how about u buy me something pretty sugar daddy???? pretty pretty please????? u blow the money on me and i will blow {{{{censered!}}}}}
Holy shit. LOL.
Hey, why don’t you go buy up all those toxic mortgage assets from the US gov’t, spin ‘em around with your “magic fingers” and pay-off our national debt, haha.
I once gave a homeless guy $100 in winnings and he didn’t really use it to better himself or his life. My faith in doing the right thing was destroyed from that point on. I figure if he won’t benefit, the mortgage companies certainly won’t.
You’d be proud dude. I won $160 on video poker at a chinese restaurant at lunch today. I don’t remember what game it was but it wasn’t poker. I feel like I got your sloppy seconds lol.