So I have this horribly wasteful tendency to buy clothing that doesn’t get worn right away. Shoes, shirts, jeans, you name it – I’ll blow a few hundred bucks enhancing my wardrobe and then completely forget that I even bought anything, only to find a 5 month old Old Navy bag sitting in my closet with a whole bunch of stuff I forgot I even had.
Well, this nasty little habit finally bit me in the ass the other day as I discovered that I had accidentally bought a pair of “emo jeans“. I’m a little too old for this shit but it was an honest mistake – I had bought two pairs of jeans on my last pointless splurge thinking that they were identical only to (painfully) find out that they were far from twins.
I got them put on just fine, no worries there – it wasn’t until I took a few steps in them that I noticed something was off – WAY off. I dismissed it at first as the phone rang, I went to go sit down and answer it and…. OH GOOD CHRIST LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY BOYS – I THINK MY NUTS JUST TOOK A HIGH SPEED SUBWAY INTO MY GUT. How the hell are people with a cock and balls actually wearing these goddamn things? Where are you putting the packages? They most certainly aren’t going to fit under the tree! Not when the tree is being forced clear up my ass by these damn jeans.
A note to transgendered folks everywhere – now you too can get that low cost sex change operation you’ve been hoping for – just grab a pair of emo-nutcrushers from your local mall and that unwanted appendage will shrivel up and fall off in no time.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my lands……………. laughing my fucking ass off…….a.k.a. lmfao……
Take a walk around southeast sometime and learn from the best of ‘em. You’ll figure it out in no time, and pretty soon, you’ll be going to all them shitty-ass concerts as well.
They are a bit of a girly bunch anyway right? Hate, hate, hate their music too.
LMAO!!!
Classic. I’ll send you a pair of pink converse to match your girly pants. Oh hell,,,I’ll throw in my black eyeliner too. Thanks for sharing.
What’s wrong with the black eyeliner that I’m already using? Am I not beautiful enough already?
More unnecessary slander of social groups. When will you grow up Mr. Wagner? What will it take? Where will you finally draw the line and realize that destruction is the easy path and construction is the path of the wise and intelligent?
Obviously BenjiGrace wears nutcrushers himself because he has no NUTS!!! Unless ofcourse Benji is a girl, then she must be a cutter.
PUHLEEZE Benji….. if you only KNEW how intelligent ol Robert is…. He’s fucking genius!!! I’ve seen him in his nut-crusher pants…. (sorry Rob,, I follow you when you can’t see me)… You have a very nice bulge…
LOL, I pack a pair of socks in there for effect – sometimes a tennis ball but those make me itchy.
I wear Dockers if you must know. Perhaps I should forward you my phone number as well? Perhaps not. I enjoy the company of an educated woman, not girls.
I bet you’re a Sarah Palin fan aren’t you Benji??? She’s REAL educated.
what are you people? a bunch of fucking meatheads?
LOL!!! YEA!
We’re not meatheads,,,Benji wears dockers!!!